Constantly in a mid-life crisis. SMH. 21 going on 50, and I don’t know how to stop. Acting my age doesn’t make sense, but neither does a 20-something spencer. Men are predictable, friendships are fleeting, sex is over rated, and all I really want is to consistently feel safe in every way and travel. I feel like I’m never “here” or wherever I’m at; My mind, heart and soul are always somewhere else. But where I am is how I can get to where my heart is. I don’t have just one journey or destination in life so I’m anxious to surpass my current journey to begin my next… But have I missed my mark? I’m always playing catch up to myself. Nowadays it feels like I never will…

It has been my experience that when you tell someone you like something they do, there’s a possibility that the act will no longer carry the same sentiment. They may or may not try to do whatever it is more or better, etc. All that being said, I’ll leave this on tumblr amongst my many rants, blerbs, photos & reblogs……………………………………………….

I like the way he handles me.

I’ve been doing most of this 1000-piece puzzle by myself and I’ve had more people laugh at me &/or nay-say than actually help me. Now my dog has ruined the large amount that I did do. I know the nay-sayers are happy. I gotta finish it now.

But it really irritates me that people’s first reaction to something you actually have to take your time to do, is laugh or downtalk it. I asked a duo of friends to help me. First reaction: “I’m not about to do a 1000-piece puzzle”…………… Number 1. You obviously wouldn’t be doing all 1000 pieces on your own, nor would I expect to finish it in one sitting. Number 2. I asked for HELP, meaning HELP not do it FOR me. I’ve already managed to get the whole perimeter, the inside perimeter, and the person together by myself. And I color separated all the pieces & started separating the outies & innies (idk the correct terminology for the ends of a puzzle piece). How exactly did my friends think they’d be doing a whole 1000 piece puzzle alone on a time limit? Idk.

That shit just irritates me. I just feel like a puzzle is something we can do and talk and bond as friends, but maybe I’ve got it wrong. & if you can’t help me do a puzzle, what about when I need help with a hard problem? If it looks too hard will you not help me as my friend? I dunno if I overthink these things but is my irritation invalid? I guess so if I’m too proud to admit to my friends that the issue of a puzzle bothers me. It’s not the puzzle though. It’s loneliness in the fact that I’m the only one interested/willing to be interested in trying stuff like that. Maybe that’s why I’m by myself most of the time.